Sorry for the Interruption

I’m back!  Sorry guys, I had a Crohn’s setback and have been in the hospital for the last week.  After careful consideration, I decided that pain medication and social media do not mix well.  But I’m back home and trying to climb back in the saddle, writing-wise.

This one really took me by surprise.  I was in such a good stride after the conference.  I was motivated and inspired, I had queries out, and was waiting for replies.  I was writing daily and making great progress with my new novel. And then, BAM – hospital time.  A week of pain and the swirling haze of narcotics, and my mind is reduced to mush.   And now I’m facing a possible liver complication.  How do I pull myself out of this and get back on my path?  I don’t really have an answer for that question.  For now I’m just putting fingers to keyboard and hoping something comes out.  But I will not give up on my dream.  Crohn’s has moved somethings out of my reach, but it will not take this away from me.

Join me next week, for an interview with my favorite new poet, Elijah Burrell.  Check out his book A Skin of the River on amazon.  Thanks for reading!

Living in a Bubble

I’m back.  I took a small break from blogging, writing, and pretty much everything last week.  My joints were swollen and red, and it hurt to even try to make a fist.  It’s part of Crohn’s for me.  Three years ago, after my son’s birth, the Crohn’s spread from my intestine into my joints.

I mention this not for sympathy, but to get you into my frame of mind.  When I hurt, I shut down.  I crawl into myself and close everyone else out.  It’s my survival mode.  And suddenly, out of nowhere that black cloud of depression descends to hang over my head, threatening to suffocate me.  Luckily, I was able to get out from under it quickly this time, and I’m up and moving again.

It’s amazing how quickly I can go from up and moving, happy and active to curled in the fetal position in bed.  It’s frustrating and it seems after twenty years I would have better coping skills.  But the truth is, shutting down is how I cope.  When I hurt, it hurts my family.  So, I shut them out of it, best I can.  Living in my little bubble I feel somewhat safe.  And when the pain recedes, I write.  It helps me breath fresh air back into my life and reorient myself as a person.  It keeps me sane.

I know a lot of people suffer from daily pain.  Whether it be back pain, joint pain, headaches, or stomach, daily pain can drag you down to a bad place.  It’s hard to cope with your daily schedule, work – parenting, etc – when you’re fighting a battle against your own body.  Even if we retreat to our bubble for a time, we cannot remain there.  That’s not life.  How do other people cope with pain and illness?  What brings you back to normal?

Creativity – the new Antidepressant?

I tend towards depression, always have.  It’s not surprising, I have a chronic illness (Crohn’s disease) and a lot of the medication I take causes depression.  In addition, when I’m in pain, I’m depressed.  But we all deal with depression in some form or fashion in our lives.  Whether it’s after a tragedy, during a difficult time in our lives, after a setback or failure, or even simply a blue day because of the weather.

I take medication for depression, but I’ve learned that there is one surefire way for me to deal with the blues – to write.  On days where I spend time writing, adding pages and chapters to a current book, or rewriting what I’ve already written, I have a general feeling of well being.  I feel balanced and in control.  I’m more patient with my children and husband, and I’m more likely to get things done around the house.  On the other hand, if I ignored my writing, I’m cranky and short with everyone.  I go to bed feeling like I got nothing accomplished, even if I cleaned the house or finished a to do list.

Writing has become necessary to me.  It’s my lifeblood, it’s my passion.  It lifts me up and makes me a better person.  This seems to ring true for a lot of creative people I know.  What is your passion?  Do you feel better after an afternoon creating?  Do you feel like you’ve accomplished something?  If so, we may have discovered a way to get us through the cold months of winter, when tempers are short and moods are low.

Comment and tell me how you fight the blues.  Or about a time when you fought depression and won.  Are you fighting depression now?  Message me, I’ve been there.